Going to get Personal

So everyone is like, "What's the big deal, who cares about getting your 2?"

It means a lot to me. It may be silly to some. But let me lay it out there.

I used to 250 lbs and pretty much hated myself. I found cycling in college and started racing. Won my first race and was hooked. Nothing has brought more joy and passion (and heartache) to my life than cycling. It took from me being a sad fat kid with no focus to a confident person with a true zeal for something.

I prepared so meticulously for the 07 Collegiate season that it blows my mind looking back. I put in all the hours, worked with my coach, and sacrificed the normal "fun" college lifestyle so I could really knock it out of the park. I know most people don't understand collegiate racing, but racing A's is the real deal. Especially collegiate nationals. You are with a lot of good riders, many of whom are 1's, 2's, and some pros.

I nearly had the whole season and my dreams to go to nationals derailed from a problem that no one could figure out. Every doctor told me I was crazy when I told them my legs felt like they were swelling up and going to explode when I rode my bike. Finally, after a year of testing, poking, prodding, and condescending ass doctors, I found an answer after Bobby Lea had surgery to fix his arteries. So I got tested and found out I had a 30% reduction of blood flow to my legs during cycling because of the narrowing of the iliac arteries- which was caused by cycling.

So I spent 6.5 hours under the knife in a very complicated and high risk procedure to prevent the problem from progressing and in attempt to be able to ride at my full potential - something I knew I had not been able to do for a whole year previously. I didn't want to be 40 and ask, "what if I had gotten this problem fixed?"

Then surgery gets fucked up. My arteries are made worse. And I spent the last year wondering if I am ever going to be able to ride well again, or if at all, because once again the doctors didn't believe me there was another problem and refused to retest me. I had to find a doctor at Stanford and fly out there just to have someone listen to me and realize I wasn't crazy.

Meanwhile I see guys I used to race with, some honestly not as talented, going places and racing at levels I knew I was capable of. All my sacrifice for the years before seemed wasted.

Now I have to decide if I want to get my arteries fixed again. It is a lot to have weighing on you. The only thing keeping me going is getting better and faster and realizing every ounce of potential I have with the cards I've been handed.

So, there it is. I know lots of people in the world have it way worse than me. But this is my world and my perspective.

A special thanks to all my friends who have been there for me through all of this and who continue to encourage me. You know who you are. Also a special thanks to my girlfriend, Kathryn, who has put up with all of my shit the last year as I have battled this.